Junk Love: How to Marry a Chair...Er...Millionaire

It might trigger an eye roll, or a heated debate whenever I say that How to Marry a Millionaire is one of the best romantic comedies ever made, but I stand firm. I. Love. That. Movie. (Also, just prepare yourself--if you ever say to me, "Oh, that Marilyn Monroe movie?", I will scowl at you. I love Marilyn, but this movie is all about Lauren Bacall.) This movie is also one of the many reasons why I will never get married. [You fall in love with a guy who adores you. You don't care about the things he can give you. But if you've ever seen this movie, a part of your brain will always be thinking: Any minute now, he's gonna pay for my cheeseburger with a huge roll of cash. Surprise! He was secretly a millionaire the whole time! I just can't put that kind of pressure on a guy....]

So, how does one marry a millionaire? Well, first you need friends of a similar mindset:

And of this group of goal-oriented females, one should be smart and sarcastic, one should be perky and funny, and one should be adorably clueless.

It also helps if you are models....

Your apartment must be spacious, modern, and of course, in New York City. The view must be spectacular!

You will need a groovy telephone for all of those late night conversations with your beau, which you will always end with "I never want to see you again!," just to keep him on his toes. Also, you simply must invest in fabulous lamp shades that will cast the perfect moody glow on your face, even though he can't see you.

You need a hangout spot--a club or burger joint where you can remind the world how down-to-earth you secretly are:

And, of course, you need a millionaire:

Put all of these things together, and...wait--is that a chair?

Still available! Check out the armchair version: Here

Why, yes. Yes it is. In fact, it is a very important chair. That chair will be with you through thick and thin, all the way to the bitter end. Even when you have plummeted to the depths of financial despair, when you have sold your worldly possessions, when the outlook is grim and there's not a dollar in sight, you will hang on to this chair for dear life. And why not? It. Is. FABULOUS!

After all, love is fleeting, but well-made furniture is forever. As they say, chairs are a girl's best friend. (Of course, I wouldn't turn down a cheeseburger and a cute millionaire, too.)

The Skinny: That Thing Is Worth How Much?

Betty Grable was famous for being The Girl With the Million Dollar Legs (20th Century Fox bought the insurance policy from Lloyds of London). The hosiery industry advertised that Grable's legs had the perfect proportions ( 18.5" thigh, 12" calf, 7.5" ankle). In fact, it was an attempt to show off Betty's best features that gave us one of the most iconic pinup photos of all time, and certainly the most popular pinup image of the WWII era. The image, shot by photographer Frank Powolny, was owned by as many as one in five American soldiers during the war. One of those doughboys was Hugh Hefner, who later stated that it was that particular Betty Grable image that inspired him to create Playboy. LIFE magazine included the image on their 100 Photos That Changed the World list. By today's standards, Grable's legs would be worth over 14 million dollars.

The infamous Ms. Grable

So, that got me thinking. What are other famous body parts worth? It turns out that Hollywood has a history of high-dollar anatomy.

1. Jimmy Durante: His nose was his trademark, and he had it insured for $50,000 in the 1940s. Adjusted for inflation, that's a $442,000 nose.

Ha chachacha

2. Bette Davis: Her eyes? Nope. She had her waist insured in the 1930s for $28,000--roughly $357,000 of anti-doughnut protection in today's money.

Bette Davis

3. Ben Turpin: A cross-eyed comic actor of the silent film era, he insured his eyes (again, with Lloyds of London), payable if they ever became uncrossed. Stories vary as to the amount, but most stick to it being a $25,000 policy ($500,000 peepers by today's standards).

Keep 'em crossed!

4. Marlene Dietrich: Insured her trademark husky voice for $1million. (She also demanded that a half ounce of gold dust be sprinkled on her hair during filming, to make it look shiny on the big screen. It's not an insurance policy, but it still makes for some expensive hair.)

Ms. Dietrich

5. Fred Astaire: Legs, of course--but only $75K each. Not so good as Betty's, but I suppose they didn't look nearly as nice in pantyhose....

Fred's $150K

6. Angie Dickinson: Universal bought a $1million policy for her legs (you guess it--Lloyds of London strikes again!), which she displayed beautifully in Rio Bravo. No wonder Sinatra kept coming back....

Courtesy of drmacro.com

*Information obtained from: imdb.com, gawno.com, time.com, iconicphotos.wordpress.com